Marriage and the Church in Urban China

For first-generation urban Christians in China, social expectations regarding marriage present difficult dilemmas as they seek to remain faithful to biblical teaching regarding the family.

Urbanization has raised the economic and social expectations for those seeking a mate. Gao fu shuai (tall, rich, and handsome) and bai fu mei (fair-skinned, rich and beautiful) have become micro blog shorthand for the description of the perfect match. It is said that, without a steady job, a car, and an apartment a single man in the city has little chance of finding a spouse. With the gender imbalance brought about as a result of China’s one-child policy, more Chinese men run the risk of not being able to meet the economic requirements for marriage and ending up as “bare branches,” a slang term referring to men over a certain age who have not been able to marry and thus, like a branch without leaves, have no wife and no children.

For many Chinese Christian women, the tension between biblical teaching about relationships and the social pressure to find a mate is exacerbated by the relatively high ratio of women to men in Chinese churches, posing the dilemma of whether it is better to marry a nonbeliever or to remain single.

Responding to a popular article from the official Chinese news agency, Xinhua, which asked, “Are Chinese Men Good Enough for Chinese Women,” the Christian intellectual online publication Territory asked, “Chinese Men and Women: Who, in the End, is Good Enough for Whom?”[1][2]

The original article, based on surveys of urban single Chinese women, took Chinese men to task for being generally unkempt and lacking in social graces, and took Chinese women to task for not caring about men’s appearance but instead emphasizing wealth and security in their choice of a partner.

In contrast to the Xinhua article’s assertion that, “The relationship between the two sexes is originally supposed to be one about mutual pleasure,” the Territory writer lamented, “Acknowledging the mutual attraction between the two sexes and expecting mutual support for each other has been reduced to a joke, not to mention the self-sacrifice and real practice of submission to another’s character necessary to preserve a loving marriage.” He then proceeded to address the spiritual condition of both sexes:

In God’s view, we all lack the glory and honor with which we originally lived. The fact of the matter is that men and women hurling eggs and insults at each other demonstrates our brokenness….‪This world tells men that only those who are strong, tough, smart, and in control can survive, succeed, and ‘deserve’ a beautiful woman. This is similar to one sick patient using his own twisted behavior to cater to the morbid psychological needs of another sick patient. Jesus Christ, through His life and teachings, tells us that mankind’s greatest weakness is actually his greatest strength. The love between these sick people seems promising, but actually it is because we learn how to depend on Him as our healer that we no longer depend on our own wisdom.[3]

Acknowledging their own brokenness and their dependence upon Christ, the article concludes, will enable men and women to mutually respect one another.

To read the entire Territory article in English, please see “Do Chinese Men and Women Deserve Each Other?”

Image Credit: Red couple in the street Shenzhen China by Chris, on Flickr 

Brent Fulton

Brent Fulton is the founder of ChinaSource. Dr. Fulton served as the first president of ChinaSource until 2019. Prior to his service with ChinaSource, he served from 1995 to 2000 as the managing director of the Institute for Chinese Studies at Wheaton College. From 1987 to 1995 he served as founding …View Full Bio

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